June 30, 2014

There's been a lot of talk around the internet (and in the real world too) about mom's either "being real" or "not being real." The whole subject is so confusing to me and I'm in the camp of, aren't we all just doing this motherhood thing the way we best know how? Why do I have to have a messy house, kid, hair, etc. to be "real?" I don't get it. I like to keep my house clean - it keeps me sane. I like to put on something other than sweatpants every day - also, helps me feel sane. I don't get why mother's who take care of their home and self get so much slack for it? The thing is, my house isn't spotless every day (or any day for that matter) and I'm not naive enough to think that anyone's is. I'm able to read other blogs and look at other instagram accounts and know that what I see online IS REAL, but It's not the way things are ALL THE TIME either. Online, folks have posted photo's of their sloppy kitchens, laundry rooms, etc saying "this is real life." And while that certainly is part of real life, (at any given moment you can find at least 5 half full cups of water on my night stand, but I just don't show you that) so are the 'pretty' moments other's choose to share too. The last time I checked there were no fake humans roaming the earth soooo......

I think what it comes down to is our own ability to feel confident in ourselves and to not feel the need to constantly be comparing our lifestyles with others. We do that. Women. And I'm not quite sure why. Becoming a mother myself gave me a new found confidence in one regard because I never felt so sure of what I was supposed to be doing in this life than when I became a mother. But like anything, you begin to question all of your choices. Should I be using cloth diapers and stainless steel bottles? Should we cosleep or have her in her crib? Should I use timeout or redirect every bad behavior? The list goes on and on, but what I've come to learn is that however we mother, no matter what that looks like, is okay. You are doing a good job if your house is messy and you are doing a good job if your house is clean. I wish the sisterhood of mother's would rally behind one another instead of knocking each other down because the way someone does something doesn't look the exact same way another does. Let's give each other a break and celebrate how we are all amazing in our uniqueness, k?


  1. yes! preach mama! I don't get why being a mess is the only way to be "real" to some people. sure that's the truth sometimes, but yeah sometimes my house is clean and I dressed cute! who wouldn't be happy about that?!

  2. I love this, Lindsay! I'm not a mom, but the majority of the blogs I read are what most would consider family/mom blogs. I see this whole "real vs. not real" thing ALL the time on these blogs and, like you, I'm always wondering: why do we feel like we have to have messy hair/wrinkled shirts/floors covered in flour to be considered "real"? I've come to believe that "being real" is whatever we decide it is, be it a clean and organized home with routines and schedules, or fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants casual and wear whatever doesn't have baby food all over it. Know what I mean? Sometimes it feels like the more we try to match someone else's "real" the further we get from living authentically ourselves. Let's all just be our own version of what real is, and be okay with ours and everyone else's. ;)

  3. I so agree. I also am not a mom yet but have found in general there is this sense of being "real" versus not when it comes to women today. I am a total neat nick myself. Having kids isn't going to change that despite what I've been told my others. My life is crazy busy and I'm a bit of a workaholic. I need my home neat and tidy to function with my hectic schedule. I will take a personal day if things get too disorderly because I can't deal and have to get things sorted. But my place isn't a museum. I have stacks of papers on the desk. Dry cleaning piled on a chair for two weeks waiting to be delivered to the cleaners because I keep forgetting to go. I'm perpetually vacuuming up cat hair so it isn't on anything but the cats. And sweat pants are a no-go in my home. I have one pair for when I'm sick but I absolutely unequivocally will not wear them out of the house. That's me. I don't care who else does what. I'm pretty much a "whatever floats your boat" kind of gal. Isn't being "real" about being authentic and true to who you are and we're all unique. Life is hard. No matter how much money or success or love or whatever anyone has there are always ups and downs and struggles and challenges mixed in with the good. This idea that we all have to be the same or if we're different than we're putting on a pretense pretending to be something we aren't is such a bummer. I don't care enough about what anyone else thinks to pretend and I just don't have time. Life is short and flies by so quickly. Each of us has to pick and choose how we spend our time and what is important to us. It's going to be different for many of us. Making time to tidy is important to me. It isn't important to everyone and I'm not going to judge someone because their home isn't as neat as mine. I also don't want to have to deal with them judging themselves because they feel like they don't meet some cultural standard that has been perpetuated in the media and then dumping it on me instead of just dumping the ideal and accepting themselves as the lovely person they are. Our differences are good. If we stopped worrying about others in that sort of high school insecure competitive fashion that seems to be so prevalent today and focused on ourselves and measuring our achievements against our efforts and our abilities…I think there would be a lot more happy people in the world. The older I get the more selective I get about who I spend my time with and what I expose myself to. Judgment from others is one thing I just don't need to expose myself to. Subsequently I am always re-evaluating who I follow on blogs and instagram to make sure that who I'm exposing myself to adds to my life in a positive way rather than a negative way. Making female friends in LA…it is a challenge. But it also makes you appreciate the great friends you do make all the more. I like what Hope said above, everyone really needs to be okay with themselves. Then what others do or don't stops meaning anything :)

  4. Amen! I love this! I had comments on a recent photo that I posted to facebook that said something to the effect of how staged it was. I too love keeping my house clean and there was nothing staged about it. Just because my house is tidy doesn't mean I'm not real.

  5. I am not a mother, but this post really resonates with me. We are women. I too keep a tidy house. Not because I am obsessed, but because I like it neat and clutter-free. This allows me to have an uncluttered mind and therefore be open in creative ways.


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