FEELING ANXIOUS

January 4, 2013

Today marks exactly 6 weeks (at the most) until we meet our baby girl.  I can't wait to see her face and have her in my arms.  To see her face and have her in my arms, I have to bring her into this world and my friends, I'm terrified.  I honestly did not think this fear and anxiety would be part of my pregnancy journey.  I obviously knew prior to pregnancy what happens when delivering a baby and had no qualms about it in the least.  Now that it's just around the corner for me, my anxiety about the entire process is taking over. Where has this fear come from? I'm not quiet sure.  Every mother and their mother has given birth. I know it will be fine but picturing my own self in that moment leaves my heart racing.  The pain, the fact that something could go wrong, and did I mention the pain? I know I can do it, I have no choice, but I really want to do it with strength and confidence.  I want to be able to go through this amazing process with courage and not think back on it in the weeks, months and years to come with regret.  If you're wondering what my "birth plan" is, to be honest, I don't really have one.  More than anything I want to go with the flow and be open to what's happening and make decisions naturally.  We are delivering at a near by hospital and I do plan to get an epidural.  I'm finally okay with saying that I'm not planning to have a natural birth.  I struggled in the beginning for a long while with wanting to deliver naturally but feeling like I would not be able to handle the pain and decided in the end, I want to do this as comfortably as I can. I know myself and my body and after talking to my husband, doctors, and friends about it I really feel like this is a good decision for me.  I know what may be right for one woman may not be right for another and I don't think one way is right over another.  Like most things, making these types of decisions are hard and it's such a challenge not to be influenced by others but for me, in the end I'm okay with what I've decided. Anyone else have similar feelings about delivery? I'd love a bit of inspiration!

photo taken in my classroom, first day back after the holiday break. 

16 COMMENTS:

  1. I hear you, and completely understand where you are in your pregnancy right now! I had similar feelings towards the last few weeks, and also chose to go the epidural route after initially believing that what i wanted was a natural birth. There is no need to be a hero- you've already carried your baby girl for 9 months! It still takes a great deal of inner and outer strength even with the epidural, not to mention the many days of loving and caring to follow. For me, it was easier to feel strong in early/middle labor when I had a bit of relief to look forward to towards the end. If it brings you any comfort, a woman's body is AMAZING, and knows exactly how to have a child. You WILL give birth- it's just up to you how much faster you'd like it to go :) but trust me, the excitement in being able to see your child will get you through- just think of the moment your baby is placed up on your chest! sigh. so wonderful.

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  2. I think you're already off to a good start if you are able to say that you are scared and are settled and comfortable with your choices regarding your birth. It's natural to be anxious about what will be one of the most powerful days of your life. I will email you some affirmations to listen to if you want. I listen to them before I go to bed every night and plan to do so in the beginning of my labor this go around. Sometimes it's nice to just hear positivity and it helps me to quiet my mind.

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  3. I started out thinking that I would do a completely natural birth. However, 6 hours of seriously painful contractions (even by the nurses' standards) we decided to get admitted and have an epidural. It was the best decision. I actually slept through all of the 'labor' and they had to wake me up when it was time to push! haha Good luck! You'll be great!

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  4. I don't see the difference between "natural" or having an epidural. Giving birth is giving birth. Either way it's a huge feat to be proud of! I'm glad you're comfortable with your decision. It's nice to hear other women say so, and not worry about what other women think is the right way (which stems from their own insecurities). A "natural" birth doesn't make one any more superior :)

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  5. Good for you! You have to make decisions that you feel comfortable with. I completely agree with what works for one person, might not work for another. Wishing you a beautiful, speedy labour!

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  6. first, you are an adorable preggo mama!

    second, you are completely normal to feel anxious! i felt the same for all three of my pregnancies & birth. just breathe and remember that regardless of birth plans & choices, the woman's body is pretty darn amazing!

    and every woman is different, actually each birth is different. i had an epidural for baby #1, a natural, drug-free birth for baby 2 and baby 3. all resulted in a beautiful baby.

    it's so exciting, we need to go have a decaf soon! xoxo

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  7. Oh Lindsay... I so feel you. First let me say, it is completely normal and okay to be scared right now. It's the first time you're doing something and it's a pretty big deal! :)

    I had an epidural with Ellie and it's a good thing I did, because I had to have an emergency c-section. It had nothing to do with the epidural but rather an anomaly with my pelvis being too small for her to pass through.

    I was so depressed. I felt like I had failed. Miserably. I'm so happy you're going into this being open and flexible. I had not.

    With Jonah, I signed up for the elected c-section after a review from two OBs saying the chances of a successful VBAC were less than 10%.

    The truth is this: it doesn't matter how that child comes into the world, what matters is that its loved. And I can tell that baby is going to be loved like crazy.

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  9. I will tell you only one thing, new friend who I haven't met. Epidurals work. You won't have pain if you get one. You will be free of pain and the anxiety of pain, free to enjoy the most magical moments of your life. I had a baby 9 weeks ago.

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  10. If I could go back in time, I would have hired a doula, I would have had a professional photographer there, and would have had Michael run back to the waiting area to get the video camera (just to see if we could tell when things went wrong).

    But I would strongly consider a doula.

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  11. this is probably the first of many humbling motherhood lessons. the beginnings of what works for you and your baby will vary across the board from mother to mother to mother to baby to baby to baby. any educated moma-to-be is already a hero. no one births to be a hero- naturally, epidurals or csections. we birth to become mamas and make our choices based on our beliefs, education and comfort levels. having peace of mind in your decision is a huge step. my only other advice is to think of positive birth experiences, however they happened. try not to focus on contractions as pain. while you will feel things you haven't felt before thinking of them as pain can cause fight or flight and make them more uncomfortable. prior to your epidural use your body to work with the contractions and not fight them. those contractions are bringing that little girl closer to meeting you and nick! even if you aren't going naturally, i second annie, it's never too late to get a doula (i have lots of referrals and they are great for daddy's too!) and i wish i had professional photos of the whole experience. i'll keep sending you positive birth thoughts and prayers and leave you with this quote: “The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you.” ~ Unknown xoxo

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  12. You have such a good outlook, it's one of the reasons why I love coming here and reading your blog. Good luck with your birth, Lindsay! x

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  13. Hi Ladies! I appreciate these insightful comments so, so much! I want to respond to each of you individually and am working out a commenting kink here on the blog. I haven't forgotten you and i've really been milling over what i've read here over the past few days. I'm feeling much more at ease :)

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  14. So refreshing to see someone come to terms with the whole epi thing before labor. I can totally understand your choice. With both my pregnancies I studied meditation and prepped for natural hospital birth. With both I envisioned a peaceful happy birth and with both that was achieved with a well timed epi that followed several hours of peaceful meditation. Don't worry you will do great! And most importantly you will meet baby and forget all the rest!

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  15. It will be an amazing day!! Just stay positive, stay laid back and try to soak in every single moment!! Even the painful contractions and the fear because you are about to experience a miracle and the beginning of your family's journey together! I've been blessed to experience this twice and love to reminisce those 2 days over and over in my head. I also had an epidural and pretty quick labors, so maybe that's why I remember them so fondly ;) But ahhh you walk away with the biggest heart in the whole world!!!

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  16. I just wanted to say that I admire you for knowing what is right for you. I had three extremely painful labors, and because I was in so much pain, I pretty much hated every minute of them. I caved into the pressure of doing it "naturally"...THREE times. The second they were born was absolute bliss of course, but i wish that I had realized that it was OK to accept that labor for me is not "blissful" or "magical". It is excruciating and long, and if I had allowed myself to get an epidural I may have had a better labor experience!!

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