WHY WE CHOSE NOT TO TEST

September 17, 2012

I realize this has the potential to be an extremely controversial topic.  My intention is not to start an I'm right, you're wrong debate.  Merely to share why Nick and I chose not to go through with any genetic testing for our baby.  I know lots of mothers who have, and I think it was the right choice for them.  Nick and I talked in great length about whether or not we wanted to find out if there are any genetic "problems" with our baby and ultimately we decided no.  Here's why: First off, there is nothing that would make Nick and I want to terminate a pregnancy.  Nothing. It's a personal belief of ours and it is what we feel most comfortable with.  If this baby happens to have a genetic disorder then we believe that is what is meant for our family.  That it's Gods plan for us and that's the way it will be.  It will not change the amount of love we will have for our child or the opportunities and experiences we will try to give our child.  I'm not saying it would be easy or that we wouldn't feel devastated to some degree but either way, this is our child.  When we decided it was time for us to bring a human life into the world we didn't do it on the terms that our child be physically and mentally "perfect."  

There was also the risk.  When talking about odds and procedures with our doctor we were assured that the risk was low but that anytime a procedure takes place, risk is involved.  We couldn't bear the thought of potentially losing the baby over testing that won't affect the outcome for us either way.  This was definitely a hard decision to make.  Every mother and father want to be assured that their child is okay and that everything with their development is right on par.  Like I said previously, this was just the choice that was what we felt most comfortable with.  We do not think you are wrong if you choose to do genetic testing.  Every family has to decide what is best for them.  We all want the same things for our children and the way we go about making major decisions and parenting is part of what makes every view point valid and worthy.  

If you choose leave a comment discussing this post, please remember that everyone does not have to agree and that this space is meant to be encouraging and supportive.  With that said, i'd love to start a conversation...

14 COMMENTS:

  1. I'm right there with you, Lindsay, and boy do I admire you for posting this! <3

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  2. Thank you gina! It means so much to have supportive and encouraging mothers like you in this community!

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  3. we chose not to have testing for eleanor or this new little baby for many of the same reasons. beautiful explanation and thank you for sharing this!

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  4. Thanks, Megan! Glad to know other mama's have similar thoughts :)

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  5. Hank and I made the same choice. I agree! Each to his own but our reasons were the same as yours. :-)

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  6. Hank and I made the same choice. I agree! Each to his own but our reasons were the same as yours. :-)

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  7. Beautiful. We didn't have the tests for any of our three boys, for the same reasons.

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  8. We were told There was a chance Edie had down syndrome. We didn't care one iota and I was really offended that our dr brought up an abortion and testing. I understand other people think they may not be able to handle that, but that (for us) was something I knew we could.

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  9. @annieglan - I was offended too when my dr said some women choose to terminate the pregnancy when we were discussing test options. I just realized *some* women would do that for their own personal reasons and not to take offense. I love my doctors so much but they don't know anything about what I believe so more than anything I think they just have to cover their bases. I'm glad we're on the same page though :)

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  10. lindsay, sb and i chose to do the same when i was expecting sophia. we were initially shocked at the option and then the 'options' if all was not perfect. we felt the very same way as you and nick. for better or worse, this would be our child, meant to be as is in every single way. my big brother was born severely handicapped and i knew something about what 'could' be in store for us. it was hard in many ways on our family, but what stands out to me was the way my parents treated joey as an equal in our family, in our home and outside our home to the world. he taught us many wonderful lessons of love and humility. we were FAMILY, for better or worse. clearly, for better.
    as in all really, really important situations, listen to your heart. God talks to you there for a reason.
    hugs and much love to you, nick and your 'little one love.'

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  11. @Gina- your comment is bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing a bit of your family's story. "this would be our child, meant to be as is in every single way" could not be more true. thank you for posting :)

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  12. As an alternative perspective, I chose to have non-invasive/very low-risk ultrasound and bloodwork testing done not because I would have aborted but because I wanted the time to prepare myself mentally, financially and socially (e.g., getting support networks in place, talking to parents of kids with similar issues, etc.) for having a special needs child.

    I personally think that having more information is always better than less.

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  13. @anonymous I totally agree that in a lot of situations and for a lot of people having the information ahead of time is valuable and wise when it comes to preparation on many levels. and the exact reasons you mentioned was why it was a tough decision for us. We just knew in the end it wouldn't change anything and we could cross the bridge if / when we got to it. Thanks for posting your thoughts!

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